tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.comments2016-02-02T01:00:08.257-08:00Life After Crazy GuySoyonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11009903099554132224noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-56400257161458585802016-02-02T01:00:08.257-08:002016-02-02T01:00:08.257-08:00I am very impressed with your strength! Fortunatel...I am very impressed with your strength! Fortunately we have no children, even though he put a lot of pressure on me to have children, even if he cannot even provide for himself... which I read is also typical. Narcissists love to have kids - more people to use and put down to bolster their ego. <br /><br />I hope you dont feel too bad about not leaving sooner. Its hard, leaving them. No one who has never experienced it can begin to comprehend. I have had comments like that, saying "why didnt you just leave..."<br /><br />you are extremely brave and strong, you SURVIVED!Brigidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11947898882538840841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-86988633316418298572016-02-02T00:53:49.662-08:002016-02-02T00:53:49.662-08:00I am very sorry to hear about your experiences... ...I am very sorry to hear about your experiences... I do hope you are recoveing now.My narcissist ex will be moving to Thailand soon. He was never as bad as what you stated here, but I believe he is working on it... he would lack the confidence to lie as blatantly and flaunt authority so shamelessly, but who knows what he will do in the future? Currently he uses emotional blackmail, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, intimidating tactics and pretending to be the victim in every situation. I dont think he would ever call the police because he has been in cahoots with the law before and would rather keep a low profile. <br /><br />I am very glad he is leaving for Thailand soon, but I genuinely fear for the next woman/host to cross his path. I would rather no other person were to experience this insanity. <br /><br />Which makes me wonder whether I should tell new girlfriends, etc. what he is?<br />His family are completely pointless in this matter, they never told me about his parasitic, outrageous behaviour...I am a girls girl, and I always tell friends when I believe their partner is going to far. Any thoughts on this?Brigidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11947898882538840841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-18205146580270882592016-02-02T00:11:39.704-08:002016-02-02T00:11:39.704-08:00I can only confirm this - I thought my ex was bipo...I can only confirm this - I thought my ex was bipolar, with a dependant personality for some time. He always enjoyed playing the helpless victim, playing the victim. Being British and living a non-English-speaking country he always pretended the languge barrier was the problem, while he clearly managed the language ok when it suited him. Behind that facade of boyish charm and helplessness there was a cruel, abusive and highly egoistical person, always looking out for his own advantage, with little to no compassion. What I noticed first as "off" about him was his way of constantly breaching people's personal boundaries (possessions, time, space...) and above all the hypocrisy. He always told me that he believed masturbation and porn was very bad for men, and too much sex was the same, according to Tantra men should be abstinent most of the month. I went with this - grumpily, as we were newly in love - only to find that he had been watching a lot of porn. What drove it into my face was that had watched on MY computer. He also stalked other women on Facebook on my computer, including underage girls. He was an English teacher so he had easy access to teenagers. His porn history told me very clearly about his preferences, too. Teenagers all the way - he is 28, I am 34, and he knows I have always been a bit sensitive about the age gap... I didnt need to snoop into his computer, it was all out in the open! He clearly wanted me to see it. Once he even watched porn on a wall-mounted projector in the room next to my bedroom, knowing I could walk in any time, which I did once. He then went straight to gaslighting, became aggressive when I called out the hypocrisy and pointed out that he wasnt a real man. <br /><br />Having done a lot of research, I am sure he has a cluster B personality disorder, probably narcissist, or anyway with strong narcissist traits. I was thrown off for a long time by his outward demonstration of "niceness" you could call it, helplessness. <br /><br />Dont let yourself be fooled. Narcissists arent all confident and vane! My ex had relly found that this boyish innocence and helplessness helped him to find compassionate, caring people and made his life easier. He will be 29 this year and never has done any serious work, but has so far never lived on the streets. Not a bad achievement, thus...<br /><br />Be careful with Narcissts.<br />They are not bad people. Narcissits want to hide a weak self and inner emptiness, which is a result of the relationship patterns of their parents. Try not to hate them too much, but be aware that they are not good for people - unless they have understood their issues and are willing to do something about it. This can happen. However, Narcissts make the worst patients...Brigidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11947898882538840841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-66300893843148703862015-10-14T07:39:47.811-07:002015-10-14T07:39:47.811-07:00I am experiencing the same thing probably. Just du...I am experiencing the same thing probably. Just dumped this guy I arranged married. Seemed so sophisticated and gentlemanly. Then the impotence was revealed. Then came the "actually it is YOUR fault" drama. The apparent homophobia. The fake crying. The tantrums. So unbelievable to an outsider. Probably he believes his own lies.<br /><br />He seems like he may be on testosterone replacement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-20245828579129179942015-04-14T05:53:02.487-07:002015-04-14T05:53:02.487-07:00Hi Soyon,
I am currently trying to come to terms ...Hi Soyon,<br /><br />I am currently trying to come to terms with two adult NPD brothers. One in particular is arrogant while being unbearably hypocritical. The post of your ex stalking you on the internet is exactly what he did to his most recent ex. He has lived off of our parents his whole life and yet puts them down compulsively. I just recently finished my undergrad after a long hiatus and he has basically been telling me it is worthless and a waste of money. Meanwhile my parents have loaned him in excess of 60k And he works for them. I paid for my tuition and it wasn't easy. I'm so angry it's distracting. Do you have any advice on how to let go of the anger and frustration in the face of such hypocrisy and passive aggressive judgement? I want to tell the world all of our family secrets and just humiliate him--i'm so angry. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-34567925336216953512015-03-15T10:34:20.674-07:002015-03-15T10:34:20.674-07:00If you want to read about somebody who became a fu...If you want to read about somebody who became a full-blown narcissist when they were about 30 because the medical profession decided to deal with a hormone deficiency with growth hormone and believe it or not testosterone, then take a look at the link. Giving somebody steroids produces some mighty nasty side effects in terms of personality changes and witnessing a grown man experiencing puberty and turning into the full-blown nasty person he would have started to become 15 years earlier is a ghastly thing to witness. See http://andandand.tripod.com/narcissist.htm Stay away from these people once you know what you are dealing with. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-37810724441408186122015-03-01T14:59:36.206-08:002015-03-01T14:59:36.206-08:00Mine ran off with some chick with a dragon tattoo ...Mine ran off with some chick with a dragon tattoo and I didn't go after him. Just wished them well and waved goodbye. I think he was shocked. Meh. Not my fault he didn't know a good thing when he saw it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-21395017190849569872014-11-12T12:47:16.271-08:002014-11-12T12:47:16.271-08:00All I can say is, it has been 7 months since the b...All I can say is, it has been 7 months since the breakup and we had been seriously dating for 5 years. I don't know why I stayed so long, was I that desperate? I am so hateful towards that creep right now, my emotions are all over the place. Hopefully, someday when I am ready to have a relationship again I will be able to trust. I know I need help, I just wish there were support groups out there where people can actually meet who have been through this horrible experience. I can't seem to get any peace of mind. I know it will all get better in time. best wish to all of youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-54554128466535995532014-10-02T10:15:55.602-07:002014-10-02T10:15:55.602-07:00I have had similar experiences. Am going to read ...I have had similar experiences. Am going to read some more of your posts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-72318922873577101412014-07-20T12:37:23.605-07:002014-07-20T12:37:23.605-07:00LOL! I love how easy it is to expose narcissists ...LOL! I love how easy it is to expose narcissists and other personality-disordered abusers -- simply talking about unacceptable behavior triggers it in them, amazing!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08329674611622666497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-90003863588738025662014-03-21T06:34:41.222-07:002014-03-21T06:34:41.222-07:00It's been almost 2 years since I left my Narc/...It's been almost 2 years since I left my Narc/BPD relationship. One of the most painful parts was having to physically leave the place that I loved, my home because I knew after many years that if I stayed physically in the same place as him I would always be manipulated back into the same bullshit. I'm reading and writing because though I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful, kind person now I still feel haunted and often have dreams that make me relive the pain over and over again. I have been perplexed because it's been so long. I should be over it, right? Well, I'm not and I feel guilty and weak that I'm not over it. Right after I left Brett Gyllenskog swooped up one of my good friends, she was moved in with him within a month of me leaving. I thought that she was one of my best friends. I just have to remind myself that I also fell victim to his manipulation so many times. I thought it was my fault that I wasn't good enough and that perhaps she is but I know now, from lots of therapy, that there is NO good match for a narcissist!! She is now in the same pain I was and although my hurt and anger are still here ultimately I feel pity on her.<br />I just wanted to thank all of you that have commented and to those who wrote the article. Especially all the parts about, sleep, reactive depression, nightmares, etc.. I thought I was crazy and totally lame that I still carry the pain around and dream of him and her so often still.<br />All of this has helped me feel okay about where I'm at and helped me to see how damaging these people and relationships can really be. I don't have to feel so crazy and weak anymore about still reeling from this experience.<br /><br />Research characteristics of "REAL" Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social... Personality Disorder!!! It's not just someone who think's they're pretty awesome and likes to look at themselves in the mirror. It's so much more.<br /><br />Our society's casual idea of what Narcissism is NOT the reality! They will manipulate you every time you try to leave. You feel like you can't go on without them because they have groomed you to feel that way. That's not real! - even though you feel physically ill and overly fearful at the thought of leaving. I promise that It will never end! It is impossible for them to change because of the type disorder they have does not allow them to look at themselves the way that we can and they NEVER will be able to.<br /><br />So ultimately please hear my advice...(I do realize that kids and marriage make this even more complex and difficult)...<br /><br />BUY YOURSELF A PLANE TICKET TO SOMEWHERE SAFE AND AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT....BECAUSE IT DOES!!!....even if it means leaving everything you love and where you want to be.<br /><br />....and STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU'RE NOT BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH, STRONG ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH, SKINNY ENOUGH, ETC...<br /><br />IT'S A LIE! <br /><br />THEY NEED YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY SO THEY CAN KEEP YOU THERE TO KEEP SUPPLYING THEM WITH WHAT THEIR DISORDER NEEDS TO SURVIVE. <br /><br />REMEMBER THEY ARE NOT WELL - THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL....you can expect "normal" behavior from them. So STOP TRYING!<br /><br />Love yourself and don't look back.<br /><br />Lots of love and kind regards to all of you xoxo<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-22091645126660239552013-07-23T21:07:15.965-07:002013-07-23T21:07:15.965-07:00My ex's current fixation is our daughter's...My ex's current fixation is our daughter's wedding. He's not going to be invited and trust me, he is going over the edge about it. I don't blame her for shutting him out though -- after all, his gift for her college graduation was some cartoon animal stickers. Narcissists suck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-58125142304642859732013-02-11T10:47:20.103-08:002013-02-11T10:47:20.103-08:00What the heck is this comment about? wow- who is ...What the heck is this comment about? wow- who is michelle b? geesh.Soyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009903099554132224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-7827476219079260042013-02-11T10:43:05.515-08:002013-02-11T10:43:05.515-08:00Having technical difficulties so this will be my t...Having technical difficulties so this will be my third attempt at posting this. First of all, it would have behooved you to have read the entire blog. This blog is about my personal experiences with a narcissist. Simply switching from job to job does not make you a narcissist- and that wasn't a label that I concluded in the blog. If you read further into the blog you would have realized all the other components that went with the narcissist in the work place- such as degrading their co-workers, taking credit for other people's work, acting like they are the only ones who do any work- when that is far from the truth. <br /><br />My ex was diagnosed with NPD and it was no wonder that one of his co-workers described him as someone who took credit for her work, bad-mouthed her and her other co-workers, and tried to make her feel that he was superior to her. So, it wasn't just about moving from job to job, but all his behavior that went along with why he moved from job to job. <br /><br />And again, this is a recount of my personal experiences and I am not professionally making any labels. So, I again encourage you to read the entire post.Soyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009903099554132224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-81793639285920045552013-02-09T11:37:41.835-08:002013-02-09T11:37:41.835-08:00"' They move from one job to another when..."' They move from one job to another when confronted about their shortcomings, and never get anywhere in the workplace because people eventually catch on that these people just aren't a team player."<br /> This describes me but I am not a narcissist. You might want to read further about true narcissism because you just described innocent people who simply like to move from job to job and are not great at team playing; they like to work alone and are focused.<br /> My fear when reading about personality disorders is that "innocent" people will be labeled with one when they are not.<br /> It takes further research and experience with a person before designating a "label", that ideally a professional should do.<br /> No offence. But you just described a lot of well meaning folk who may have been sabotaged by the "real thing"...a psychopath and/or narcissist. Victimized people who are so stricken with PTSD that they don't recognize these disorders and are easily victimized. <br /> I was turned off by your first few sentences. Please try not to imply or infer a disorder where there might not be one. <br /> I speak from experience.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-89111873757128417232013-02-09T11:27:35.788-08:002013-02-09T11:27:35.788-08:00Take that, Michelle B. You Born-Again...telling e...Take that, Michelle B. You Born-Again...telling everyone at the company to read the Bible and live like you. Like you? Yeah, that was me who sent you a quote from the Bible ... because it described you! "Love is not jealous...does not parade itself..."<br /> I wonder if your husband ever knew you were competing with me and got all dolled up (including bright orange neon mini-dress) to flaunt in front of the guys? The guys who initially thought I was sexy and desirable. <br /> So keep going to church...flaunt yourself...and talk about the Bible all you want. You are a true hypocrite...and my husband knows the truth about you. I feel sorry for your daughter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-76643005781359714682012-06-15T19:22:14.483-07:002012-06-15T19:22:14.483-07:00like many of you I am trying to recover. I have kn...like many of you I am trying to recover. I have known for quite sometime that he was an N, but continued our on again off again relations. The crazy made me so crazy that my friends and family told me to just leave and never look back. I wanted to many times but he always found a way to get me back with supply (compassion). This last incident took the case. I was there for him in the death of his grandmom (who was like a mom.) after this he went off on a trip and told me I was being silly and he didn't have time for me. Not to mention I wrote his grandmom a poem (using his name and relationship) so he could contribute to the obituary. After which time I was decarded. No more for me! I just wish he gets out of my head. It's been one month.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-60046948960331782462012-05-21T20:21:02.196-07:002012-05-21T20:21:02.196-07:00This post gave me great comfort knowing I haven...This post gave me great comfort knowing I haven't been alone. Thank you for posting it. I, too, am at the point of no longer caring what people think of me based on what he's said. I know the truth and as you stated, living well is the best revenge.Beckynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-44479172793713315242012-03-09T11:22:09.885-08:002012-03-09T11:22:09.885-08:00Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate t...Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate them. Keep them coming!Soyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009903099554132224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-37198877085260855972012-03-09T10:49:55.016-08:002012-03-09T10:49:55.016-08:00It is wonderful to get on with your life. I have h...It is wonderful to get on with your life. I have had many years to heal now. I have my children, and he has remarried (that was a life saver). I read what you write because I spent 25 years in that relationship. <br /><br />Now next chapter of life, my guy of many years has adopted children, which the Crazy Mom got in the divorce. We have been all the way across the state. I fought for years to not be near her, but as it goes, he now has the kids and I live very close to her. I feel for them all, she seems to be hell bent on destroying any sanity left in them. They are dealing with Juvenile Battery charges, suicide attempts, cutting, juvenile detentions,forced visitations, police calls, she is even trying to have their youth group leader fired. The list goes on!! 5 out of 7 want absoultely nothing to do with her. Does she seem to learn anything from that ...no, of course not! These poor children have logged so much time with therapists. It is amazing how a stable household and love helps, but the damage is done. Living with a Narcissist destroys children too! <br />My own 3 children choose little or no contact with their father. They sometimes try, get enough to remember that he is all about himself, and they back away. I have had the pleasure of nearly zero contact for 2 years, suits me fine!<br />Stay strong! Keep Healing and growing with knowledge! I can only wish I was this strong years ago, so my new children could have had a childhood!<br />P~Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-49085183700609420012012-03-09T09:45:17.641-08:002012-03-09T09:45:17.641-08:00That had to be a tough decision. I hope that your ...That had to be a tough decision. I hope that your kids are seen by child psychologists because now they live with that very same narcissist and need to learn coping skills so that later in life they are not drawn to that same type of disordered person. In the end its noone's business, you are the only one that needs to be ok with your decision. I know the feeling to have that crazymaking out of your life. Work on the damage this person has done to you so, you can be there for your children.Cheryl Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00098678644194925136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-31942840632040369252012-02-24T10:41:22.278-08:002012-02-24T10:41:22.278-08:00Keeping a cool demeanor while feeling very angry i...Keeping a cool demeanor while feeling very angry is a big challenge. Especially in a court setting, it can become difficult to maintain a cool head in the face of a barrage of questions that you need to answer. For your own sake, it is necessary to take a few seconds of realization from time to time.Guy Chamblisshttp://wittandassociates.com/FamilyLaw/divorce-attorney-utahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-20525054352593364502012-02-19T19:23:56.061-08:002012-02-19T19:23:56.061-08:00Thanks so much for your posts. It's a relief t...Thanks so much for your posts. It's a relief to read the experiences and thoughts from someone who didn't become consumed with hate from their experience. I've read so many entries from skilled writers who in the guise of that ability seem somewhat adjusted, but then vent all their anger online at the unsuspecting.<br /><br />Dogs can warn as well as teach. Most people understand that there are dog people and cat people and then their are no-pet people. Just like there are coffee and tea people---Incompatible! I had an English boyfriend once. I couldn't wait to get away from in the morning. I laugh now at how nervously and uncomfortably I sat drinking the milky brew in anticipation of the steaming espresso I would pickup on the way home.<br /><br />Anyway, I was married to a man who adopted narcissistic traits---He wasn't a true narcissist. That demon came immediate afterwards. To me it was a devastating debacle because I hadn't been in a rewarding relationship for a long time---That previous relationship was a stressful and damaging vice grip I had spent years trying to free myself from. Three years later, enters supposedly "hot" young lover. He was 9 yrs my junior. I think I'm gonna have the affair of a lifetime--Perfectly quixotic and removed from banal concerns---Pure passion. Not. I won't get into my nightmare with him---I mean only to relate that my dog had issues with the guy.<br /><br />Every time he came over she would retreat to the couch and mope. He never greeted her---Never pet her. She didn't feel welcome in her own home! This was lost to me for a while. I thought he just didn't have experience with dogs. No. She didn't like his vibe! Personally I believe it's a good policy to befriend the family dog when you enter a home. That dog is a protector and he should feel in charge of his domain. Basic. Everyone loved my dog. I'm not being a smug pet parent. She was really great. She didn't need a leash even in NYC, was really agile and had a big vocabulary. People always wanted to sit for me when I went vacation when I couldn't bring her along.<br /><br />So fast forward to the end of my affair with Narco. He needed a hand carrying a desk up to his walkup. He asked me to help. My pooch was in tow as always. (They always need something and never give you a hand in anything) So, there I was instructing her to stay in the ground floor hall while we carried this thing up. I was worried some other tenant would be surprised or scared to find an unknown dog in the hall. I called to her from the fourth floor---She wouldn't come up! Strange to me. Once outside again she practically bolted home. She never did that. I mean run on the sidewalks the way she did. She never did that before or ever again. Only one other time did I have an episode with her and a person. He was a schizophrenic. It was then i decided this had to end. They can sense fear, malice and mental instability. Her intuitions were "Stay away" from the beginning.011235813https://www.blogger.com/profile/05738876349927210069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-61293954295527653912011-09-11T21:37:33.279-07:002011-09-11T21:37:33.279-07:00Thank you for your comments. Sometimes my life fe...Thank you for your comments. Sometimes my life felt like a Lifetime Movie Network drama... I remember watching those movies and wondering... Who are these women that find these creeps... Until it dawned on me that I married one of those creeps. Stay strong. Stay vigilant!Soyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009903099554132224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2762659562724884497.post-62280614507562781282011-09-10T22:04:25.594-07:002011-09-10T22:04:25.594-07:00As the person commented above me, much LOVE to you...As the person commented above me, much LOVE to you all and please keep telling the truth. <br /><br />I have learnt how important it is to keep your life private and to have No Contact. <br /><br />The childish games are astounding. Chin up everyone. My favourite song, which I found on this blog, is definately, "So What!"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com