The Pathetic Coward

Now that I see the narcissist for what he really is... I often find myself saying things like, "what an idiot", "whatever", "dork", "get a life"... it's amazing all the stupidity I was blind to when I was with this man. I see now that I have moved on and in a wonderful relationship, just how petty and jealous this man is. What has been the most inspirational these last few years, is that I have debunked all the nasty insults he used to throw at me. His favorite was to tell me that 'no man will touch you with a ten foot pole'. I am happy to report that I am in a loving relationship with a man who completely adores me. For the first time in my life, I feel completely loved and cherished- the way love is supposed to feel and be. This irks the narcissist more than anything- to see me in a successful relationship. Why? Because he just cannot stand to see me happy. Everything to him is kept on a scorecard that only resides in his own mind and only makes sense to the narcissist. The happier I am, the more he ups his game to harass and irritate me. Because misery loves company and he wants me to join in his misery. I have the kids during the summer and I blessed to be surrounded by loving friends and families. We have a plethora of events and fun activities for them. Even his own kids' happiness makes him miserable. He takes little jabs at me and my friends to try to be a nuisance all summer. It amazes me the number of emails he writes while they are with me. When they are with me, 3000 miles away, he loses what he prizes most of all- CONTROL. So, for him, his harassing emails and phone calls are just a means to try to get back this control. But I refuse- I refuse to give this buffoon anymore control. He will not have control over my happiness and he will not have control of our summers together. The kids thrive and so many adventures with their friends and family. Unfortunately, this makes the miserable narcissist turn into the deviant, coward. He turns to his old ways of trying to bait me into fights and to try to weasel himself into every situation. When I stand back and look at this, I just see a pathetic coward- instead of enjoying his summer with his new bride, he wallows in his misery, scheming to create drama and chaos in our lives. I have taken away just about every means that he has of ever controlling or hurting me... the only thing left are the kids and even they are not immune to his erratic, nonsense behavior. Cowards are the ones who can never be happy for someone else's happiness or just to let it go. My ex still stalks me on the internet- he sits at his computer for hours trying to gathered information on my in-laws, my friends, my work, anything he can get his hands on. How sad to be consumed with someone else's life. What a waste of life. For me, I channel his negativity into writing these blogs to share with others. I use these lessons learned to try to help others understand.

Narcissist #2

I haven't written on my blog for quite some time.  After a short summer with the kids, life is just moving along.  I am happy to report that I am remarried and the difference between a relationship with a narcissist and a non-narcissist is heavenly bliss.  No longer do I find myself second guess myself- which from the outside must sound a bit strange.  But for those of us who have had the misfortune of the narcissist, we know that thinking less of yourself when you are with that someone is just part of the norm. 

Amazingly a blast from my past came rushing in a few weeks ago.  My ex-husband was not the only relationship I have had to contend with.  I have experienced three horrific, happiness draining relationship with 3 of these monsters.  Finally, after the last one, I had to admit that it was something about my personality that just kept ending up in the same place--- I will write the revelations I have had in regards to this subject in a future blog.

So, narcissist number two- I don't know why, but recently as I was reflecting on some of my past relationships, I was thinking about this particular evil-doer.  Curiosity led to finding him on facebook and seeing that he was remarried.  I guess I couldn't stop there, because this person was just incapable of having a good relationship.  So, as my curiosity grew, I felt that somehow maybe I was wrong and maybe it was really just me... that little voice in my head- the one that is always blaming myself, came rearing its ugly head the other day.  So, I look further into the situation to find out that he had cheated on his wife and that they are going through a divorce.  Wow- some people never change.  In the midst of all this, my heart just pours out to this woman because I could just imagine what she must be going through.  So, I contact her... I was fearful of how this woman would react because I am sure that my ex- only had nasty things to spew out about me.  But then a miracle- she is happy to hear from me and we exchange stories and I am quite dumbfounded by what happens next.

She tells me that he has been telling her that he was in the Army... WHAT!!!  This person was never in the Army because he had epilepsy.  I was the one in the Army, but it gets even better.  To continue on with this charade, he makes up wild stories and even gets a tattoo indicating that he was in the Army.  He took tidbits of people in my unit, took their names and incorporated them into his lies, his facade, his grand DELUSION!  He goes around telling people that the scars on his back are from shrapnel.  Having lost a few friends to the recent wars, I am literally disgusted, but not too surprised.  I am a little taken aback to the extent his lies have grown.  To top it all off, he took my uniforms, and acted like they were his from his "time" in the Army. 

Absolutely no boundaries, and no regard for the men and women who have sacrificed to rightfully wear their uniforms.  To top it all off, he tells a judge that he was in the Army- perjuring himself.  Absolutely no boundaries, no respect for the law, no respect for anyone- like all true narcissists, it is about me, myself and I.

I am glad I reached out to this woman.  She is a brilliant woman with a Ph'd and has been an educator for over 20 years.  I am willing to help her... he tried to bankrupt me, ruin my career, tried to disgrace me - and to hear he is still doing the same things to his victims- just makes me sick to my stomach.  She too has had to face financial, professional and personal difficulties because of the narcissist.  Unfortunately there is a child involved and as if the child is a status symbol, the child is placed smack dab in the middle of the lies, the insanity. 

How far will the narcissist go to continue their facade?  What will happen when this narcissist's lies and pretenses come to light.  How far will he go to keep his secrets?  The outcome, the answer, scares me to think about it. 

My World of Denial

Epiphanies---- you will have moments where you go "A-Ha!"... my therapist once told me that.  On the journey to finding those treasured "a Ha!" moments, I went through a lot of denial.  Denial that I could really be with someone who could truly be soulless.  Why do we deny, deny, deny what is so apparent to everyone else?  Blinded by our emotions, unable to think through what is really happening with logic and reason.  Sometimes when I share my story with someone, they just shake their head in disbelief that I could be duped in such a manner.  "How could you possibly not see what was happening?" 

I don't have the exact reason or science to this.  It just is what it is.  I kept telling myself that surely this person will see how illogical and insane his actions are and will change.  I told myself this over and over and kept going back for more and more abuse.  In hindsight, I was the one who was illogical... yes, ME.  I kept going back to an irreparable, stoic, cruel situation.  At some point, I have to take some responbility for what unfolded.  No, I didn't deserve his cruelty, but I could have walked away years ago and saved myself years of torment. 

So here I am today, in a much better place.  Out of fear and panic of repeating my mistakes, I have gone to the other extreme- I refuse to accept things just for what they are... I tend to assume the worst is going to happen in my new relationship and yet it never comes to fruition.  So, I am a little angry sometimes that because of this one crazy person, I have become a bit jaded.  It is a constant struggle in which I have to tell myself that who I am with is not that crazy guy. 

So, I don't want to be the victim again, but I struggle to find the perfect middle ground.  Logic and reason sometimes just goes out the door because I have had to deal with such an evil, manipulative person.  So, what the lesson here... I just don't know.  I guess for starters, if you think you are with a narcissist- research what a narcissist is and look for the signs.  Once the math adds up, run like hell.  Second, once you are ready to start, be careful not to let the narcissist interfere your new life by filling your head with paranoid, untrusting thoughts.

Learning to deal with things as they are, right now and not letting the past influence my present life... what a struggle this has become at times.

*roll of the eyes*

I am spending the summer with my kids.  It's hard not to see them all the time.  It was the price I had to pay to get away from crazy guy, but I knew in my heart that this too would only be temporary.  Even they would eventually see the lunacy of his behavior. 

As I was unpacking my oldest daughter's bag, I asked her why this time there were no vitamins packed... vitamins- one of the last resorts of the control freak.  The last few times he would send a pack of vitamins on send illicit details on how to give it to the kids- which I complied without saying a word- just merely a roll of the eyes because I knew it was to get a rise out of me.  Since he got none, I guess he just moved on to other ways of trying to keep control over me.  Her answer to me was that dad did not pack the vitamins because I would just "throw them away".  I asked her quite plainly- "have you ever seen me throw away your vitamins?"  In which she replied, no.  As I turned and rolled my eyes again. 

What the narcissist doesn't realize in his delusional world that in trying to be the favored parent by making up insinuations and lies, he is trying just over time slowly revealing his true nature.  Because even for his children, he cannot but show his true nature.  He just simply cannot help himself.  Even they will be able to see through the lies as they get older. 

I've learned to just not play into his sophomoric chicanery.  I just "roll my eyes".  By being above his tactics of deception and lies, over time it becomes evident who the true victim and who the true liar is.  I just laugh at his idiotic lame attempts at trying to make me into something I am not.  Because in reality- he is scared.  Scared that the kids will have a fantastic time with me and that when they are old enough they will be able to tell the judge that they prefer to live with mom.  It's his fear that turns him into this ugly, pathetic person.  He doesn't know how to behave through the fear in rational terms- so he resorts to deception, lies, and manipulation. 

This resonates throughout every aspect of his life... scared that he will become insignificant at work- therefore he bolsters himself with fantastic accomplishments.  Scared of getting old, therefore he becomes a shallow, vain shell of a being.  Scared the others would learn the truth about them, therefore, therefore they aim to surround themselves with people they are secretly jealous of and want to be. 

What a sad way to live a life.  How tiring it must be to be so consummed with appearances or scared of their own shadows.  Well to that, I roll my eyes, I stay quiet and live the best life, and I say "boo"- scared of me yet?  because you should be.  I am not one of those people you will manipulate any longer.  You know that I know the truth about you.  You also know that I see right through you for the hollow person you really are.  But best of all, you know you won't get away with the lies and deception with me anymore.

Silence is SO GOLDEN!

I haven't written on my blog in a long time.  I have been busy with work and building my new house.  I've learned to not tell my ex about anything that I do or to give him any hints of what is going on in my life.  This drives the narcissist insane.  They can't stand it when you refuse to engage. 

So, as it turns out, I kept my mouth shut about my new house and only shared it with the kids.  He apparently managed to somehow buy a house... oh the email that I got from him bragging about his house that he put a bid in for and it was accepted made me want to gag.  He boasted about how large and beautiful and awesome it was... oh that it was soooo huge and he put in intricate details about size, number of rooms, blah blah blah... The house is the same size as mine and for most of the year it will only be inhabited by me and my boyfriend... whereas he will be in a same size house with SEVEN people.  I had to laugh.  The ludicrous insinuation that this idiot was making that his house was going to be better than mine... who the f&*( cares. 

My narcissist doesn't seem to get it... I really do not care.  I could give a rat's ass - as the saying goes, but he on the other hand has to make it a point to fill me in on the details of his supposed awesome life with his girlfriend... who is still married to husband number three... "for reals???" 

I just keep my mouth shut and laugh in side as he goes on and on about how wonderful he is.  And I say to myself... "what a dumbass".  Not saying anything and not engaging with him on small talk is the best thing to do.  Sometimes it is really hard... like this time, I really wanted to make fun of how he thought his house was so large.  I bit my tongue- boy am I full of cliches today...

So, I guess I am going to take a few minutes to brag about my new house here on my blog- customized house, 2400 square feet, 4 bedrooms, with master bedroom suite.  Awesome kitchen with quartz countertops and a bonus room to hang out in :)  .  So maybe I didn't get to rub it in his face, but I at least got to write about.  I love watching our house being built.  I love the fact that I am picking things out that are the way I want it and not having to settle for what crazy guy deemed as awesome... because we never had the same taste in anything, but there was no compromising- there was only the "you have no sense in style and what you like looks really bad".  When we worked with the designer to tell her what we wanted, colors, etc, she absolutely loved what we were doing.  Everything is contemporary and modern.  The way I want it... clean lines.. none of this frilly, traditional style for this girl.

I can't wait to see it when our house is done.  Maybe I will be brave and even post a few pictures.  Enjoying this time and not sharing in the least with my ex-crazy guy has been wonderful.  Who cares what he thinks and besides it really is none of his business how I decide to live my life.

My little update- turns out he didn't get the house after all and for some reason he told my daughter they weren't moving until the fall.  He went all out bragging about stuff and nothing came to fruition... a lot of times with the narcissist you will find that they are just full of hot air. 

Some Guys Will Always be Bad Guys

I sat here tonight reflecting on not just my narcissist, but the other bad relationships I have been in.  Why did I have to go through so many horrible relationships to finally wake up and say I just don't deserve this.  When I was 22, I was engaged to a brilliant computer software engineer.  Charming and gave me so much attention when we first started dating.  I resisted falling for him at first, but when I finally did fall for him, all my troubles began.  We got engaged after just a few short months of dating.  This person lied, and they were so good at it.  When he was caught lying about the other two women he was dating, he told more fantastic lies.  My self esteem was crushed.  This led to a string of bad relationships in which I just told myself I didn't deserve any better. 

I recently got back in touch with this person and at first as usual he was quite charming.  He apologized for his behavior and I believed it.  I really wanted to believe that even the worst of the male species could be reformed.  I was wrong.  He again told more and more fantastic lies that didn't add up. 

A Narcissist never changes.  They cannot help themselves and yes I truly believe they are wired different from other people.  The biggest difference, is their lack of empathy.  Everything is about them and they say and do things that bolsters the only person that matters- themselves! 

I wonder how they keep their stories straight.  My last narcissist couldn't keep his story straight, but I think my first narcissist was a master at it because he literally is a genius.  Such a sad truth, but in dealing with my narcissist, I must always remember that they lack the ability to change, grow, and mature. 

In This Case- Throw out all reasoning and start from there

Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist will know that trying to reason and compromise with a narcissist is a futile exercise leading only to mental torment.  For years and years I tried desperately to try to reason with this person- to try to get them to see how insane his behavior was.  This only exasperated the situation and gave fuel and energy for him to keep going.  If I tried to reason with him, he would excalate it to the next level to try to "teach me a lesson" for my insolence. 

After the first few years of trying to reason with him, I then resorted to completely shutting down.  This too was a losing strategy on my part.  When I would not give him the satisfaction of reacting to his temptuous  behavior, he would again escalate it to the next level.  I want to share one episode of dealing with my narcissist:

I told my ex that I did not want two large dogs in the house when my twins were born for sanitary reasons.  I asked him to make the dogs outside dogs.  Now mind you- one dog was an 80 lb boxer and the other dog was a 150 lb mutt of some sort.... these were not frail little dogs.  These dogs shed a lot and it was hard to maintain a clean home.  Well, that just opened up a can of worms... his response "I would rather have you leave then my two dogs that I have had before I even met you".  I didn't want to argue with him anymore, so I decided to move into the guest room to avoid any conflict given that I was pregnant.  During the week, to try to extract a response out of me, he threw all my clothes into the guest room and as if that wasn't enough, he went outside, got dirt and threw it all over my clothes.  When that didn't work, he had my oldest daughter come into the room while I was lying down and had her call me a "piggy".  Now mind you I was several months pregnant- so I was not slim at the moment.  When these tactics did not work, he resorted to putting dirty dishes in the room I was staying in, throwing away awards and memorablia from my college years, following me around with a video camera.... During the week, going to work was my only sanctuary.  I talked to my boss about possibly transferring after my twins were born.  He said he would make it happen when I was ready. 
One morning, I had finally had it with him messing with my stuff.  I got so angry, I started throwing his clothes in the garage.  He calmly said, "we need to stop this..." WE.... all week it had been just him, egging me on and when I finally got angry... it was "we".  I just looked at him and told him that I already to talked to my boss and when the kids are born, I plan to leave him.  He had a look about him that I can't describe, but his response was that he had no one and that if I left him that he would probably kill himself... such an odd response from someone who just kept escalating the situation day after day.  I was so angry at this point, that I just told him to go ahead and that it would make us all alot happier... I regret saying this out of anger, but after a week of torment, being pregnant, I just have had it with his behavior.
He calmly watched me get my daughter ready for school, put her in the car, and drive away.  When I got to my daughter's school, I realized I had forgotten my badge for work.  I went back home to get it and would you believe, in less than fifteen minutes, the sherriff's department was at my house.  I went in to discover that he had hit himself in the face- yes he had hit himself... and then told the cops that I had done it... mind you that I am five months pregnant with twins- a high risk pregnancy to begin with.  My reaction was that I starting yelling at him... while surprisingly he remained quite calm...
When the deputies finally calmed me down, I told them my story... I also showed them all the awards that he had thrown away in the garbage.  When they saw that I had things in there from over ten years ago, they began to question his story.  Also seeing how I was pregnant, they starting to question what really happened.   When they told him that they did not believe his story, he INSISTED on writing a VICTIM's statement, so they could forward it to the state attorney's office... nothing became of his "victim's" statement... I should have left him then, but I thought over time he would realize that what he did was wrong and never do anything like this again... I wish I could say that I was right, but this was really just the beginning of more of this behavior. 

There are a few things I want to point out about this whole situation- first of all, most normal people would not remain calm if their spouse had really hit them.  But this is the way of the narcissist.  They keep probing and egging you on, until they break your line of sanity.  And when you do, they miraculously all of a sudden become the victim, they become the one who has to deal with your "crazy" behavior.  Do your remember the incident where Mel Gibson's ex taped a conversation with him in which he was yelling, almost in tears, and just "losing" it... what struck me as odd about the whole situation was how "calm" the women was.  No one knows for sure what transpired between the two of them, but it did always make me wonder how one party could remain so calm while the other person is obviously distraught. 

The narcissist has no limits.  They justify their behavior in their mind... in this case, I never got a full apology from my ex.  He would always say, "you made me act that way".  Hindsight is always 20/20... I just laugh now whenever he says such stuff... I wish my response back then was, "Really?  I really have that much power over you... geez, I wish I knew that back then". 

Finally, I just want to say that there was no reasoning with my ex.  Unless, I did exactly what he deemed as appropriate behavior, he was going to continue to "teach me a lesson".  I love how narcissists are the great all knowing "teachers" and that they should be both judge and jury.  It's almost like a God-complex.  How dare I question the "Great Narcissist".  In his own little fantasy, he was all knowing, all perfect, therefore, I should comply with all his demands.  If I should ever object, in his infinite wisdom, he must exact a punishment only he can deem fitting.  Okay- crazy guy, have fun.  I won't be a part of it anymore and I will take away all means of you ever hurting me again. 

My lift is my life.  I made a promise to myself that I will never again take this kind of abuse and that if I see any signs of someone being a Narcissist, I will not walk, I will run and stay clear of this person's path.  

Get Out of My Head

After having been with my narcissist for nearly a decade, it is difficult to not hear the insults and be in the world of the real.  So many times when I want to try something new, I often find myself coming to the conclusion that I just am not good enough.

The sad part of this whole routine and dance of low self esteem I do in my head, is that prior to my narcissist,  I used to have a sense of adventure.  The possibility of failing miserably did not deter me from daring to try something new and unique.

Sadly, after having been with my narcissist for so long, I struggle to find that person I used to once be.   I am slowly finding this person again.  My friends who have stuck by me for years remind me that I look like I have taken ten years off of my face and that I am so much more fun to be around again.  No matter how many compliments I get, I still struggle to accept these compliments... since when did I become not good enough to receive these compliments???

Learning to receive compliments and to regain my self esteem is a constant struggle as I recover from my narcissist... One of the things that helps is to slow down, step away from the madness, and really think about what is happening in the moment and not what I think my narcissist would be saying to me as I try new things.  Yes, I fail sometimes, but the big difference is that I am surrounded by people who love me for who I am no matter what.  And yes, I have way more fun trying new things these days.  Even failing has become much more of a joy then when I was in the abusive relationship with a narcissist. 

One of these days I will be enjoying life without giving my narcissist a second thought.  Right now I struggle, but day after day it seems to be getting easier... the more distance and time I put between myself and my narcissist, the easier it gets.

P!nk - So What

This song always picks me up... when my ex starts to get under my skin, I listen to this song and say to myself--- so what!

Laughing at Lunacy

It's been over two years since I have been moved thousands of miles away from my Narcissist.  It is amazing how time and distance has brought so much clarity to just how mentally unstable my narcissist really is.  When I was in the situation, I was so emotionally vested that I was blind to what was really going on.  The narcissist is also a great manipulator.  If you start hearing over and over how worthless you are, from someone who supposedly loves you, you start to believe it. 

My narcissist is with someone new.  Thank goodness!  They seem to be right for each other.  His newest victim, has been married three times and is only 32 years old.  In one year this woman managed to get divorced, get married again, and get divorced again.  She is from the country of Georgia and supposedly she was a lawyer there.  Her oldest son is around eleven years old...Now, in our country, she is making t-shirts at a local tourist trap... hmmmm.... does this make any sense????  Married three times, has two kids, somehow managed to have a law degree- which she never used, and is now making t-shirts?????   Did I miss something here????  So, this is what the narcissist reports to me. 

My narcissist is in his 40s.  Most men would have the maturity to see that this woman is nothing but trouble, but to my narcissist, in his own little world, this all makes sense.  Oh, and did I mention, this supposedly brilliant woman does not have a license or a car????  hmmm.   Why would a smart woman, not have a car or her license in this day and age?  Why would an educated woman be working minimum wage making t-shirts?

I share this story, because my narcissist acts and thinks like he is a teenager or at best in his 20s.  His sense of logic does not bode that of someone in their 40s.  Having been removed from the situation, I see just how immature, rash, illogical, my narcissist is.  When  you are in the situation, living it- you don't see what is so obvious to the outside observer. 

It took a long time to try to deal with this person like a business associate.  I do the best I can to try to extract my emotions from the situation and think through my interaction with him with logic and reason.  When I think through his actions logically, I see just how ludicrous it all really is and was.  Sometimes it makes me chuckle, other times I shed some tears at the wasted years in trying to make sense out of something that never did. 

Protecting Your Sanity from a Narcissist

One of the best advice I ever got from my therapist was to have someone else check my emails from me.  Choosing the right person to do this took some careful thought.  I wanted to make sure that this person was not a gossip and would spill the beans.  I found a wonderful friend to do this for me.  She only checked the email once or twice a week and she would strip out all the nasty things he would insert.  She only reported on the important stuff I needed to know and answer.  I would in turn tell her what I wanted in response and she would write back a response void of all emotions.  She treated the emails like she would a business email.

My narcissist would respond back with vile comments still thinking he was writing to me and despite the emotionless response he got from me, he still acted in the same despicable manner.  My friend later revealed to me that she would even get frustrated in dealing with him, even though she had never met or interacted with him.  She understood just how relentless and difficult it was to deal with him.  It was also apparent to her that he was trying to bait me into argument and unnecessary drama.  This is the way of the Narcissist.  They thrive on drama, chaos, arguments, and insane behavior.  They get a sick sense of satisfaction when they get a rise out of you.

His email responses would always come within ten minutes of when she sent responses back to him.  It would annoy him to no end that it would take days sometimes weeks for a response back to his emails.  This taught me a great lesson... respond to the narcissist on my terms and when I want to.  Often times this would help me to calm down before giving him a response.

The narcissist lives in a delusional world of rules that he makes up.  It took me a long time to not buy into his delusional nonsense.  When you are with someone who is narcissistic for a long time you start to believe the insults and nasty things he tells you.  The biggest mistake for me was that I believed he loved me and therefore what he said must have some truth to it.  I learned the hard way that this person is devoid of all emotions for another human being and lacks any type of empathy.  Everything he did was calculating, manipulative to meet the ends of satisying to only person that matter to him- HIMSELF.  Nothing he did was out of love or compassion for me.

If you have a narcissist to deal with on a regular basis, look for ways to shield yourself.  I had to learn to deal with him on my terms.  This meant not responding to emails right away or to not overreact whenever he made threats.  It's easier said than done, but the rewards and benefits of protecting my sanity far outweight the consequences of playing into this games.

Narcissist in the Workplace

Today, I had a short discussion with my boss about people who just don't like to play by the rules, move from one job to another when confronted about their shortcomings, and never get anywhere in the workplace because people eventually catch on that these people just aren't a team player.  Sounds a lot like my ex.  When we were married, he used to come home and brag about his accomplishments.  He used to boast that his workplace would fall apart if he ever left.  Somehow he was always the hardest working person at his place... When we were first married, I used to buy into his lies, but after hearing the same thing over and over, every time he got transferred... I began to wonder. 

Narcissists always believe they are special and possess some sort of magical power.  Hence, they should be treated as special... anyone who disagrees- well to them they are the ones with the problem... how dare they question his awesomeness. 

Working with a narcissist is a very demanding and often degrading task.  Shortly after I left my narcissist, I had lunch with a lady who had the misfortune of having to work with my narcissist.  My initial response when she told me, "oh, I am so sorry you had to experience that".  She described him as "something else".  I had worked in the same building with this same woman years ago.  I never once heard her say anything ill about anyone.  And yet, here she was venting her frustration of having to work with such a difficult person. Just like a typical narcissist, she described my narcissist in the work place as such:  "He used to think I worked for him and not with him".  We both found that to be quite humurous because he was the contractor working for her on her project. 

Narcissists love to take credit for other people's work and they love to demean your work any chance they get.  This was the great demise of how my narcissist lost his job.  He went around for months taking credit for other people's work, trying to steal work from them, and bad-mouthing anyone who did not praise him.  Eventually, those who worked with him got tired of his behavior and some even refused to work with him.  When confronted with his behavior by his supervisors, he blew up at them saying "I don't need this job". 

Remember how in my other posts I said we lived in a little town and you always ran into someone you knew when you were out and about.  Well, his behavior proceeded him as he tried to find work with other contractors.  The same people that he had bad-mouthed, took it upon themselves to warn other contractors to not hire him. 

The only work he could find was with a very small contractor.  It will be interesting to sit back and watch how this plays out because this small contractor has very little room for growth and for moving up within the organization.  This will be very difficult for my narcissist because in his mind he is important, special and deserving of high positions and important projects. 

What I want to relay to those who have to work with a narcissist, is to let this person fall on his own sword.  Attempting to engage or change this type of behavior is futile.  If at all possible let your supervisor or someone higher up the chain deal with his behavior.  Eventually everyone at the work place will see just how difficult it is in dealing with this type of person.  Let his reputation and behavior do the talking- actions are louder than words.  If you complain about this person's behavior, you may unintentionally come across as the difficult person who has issues when dealing with others.  Remember to preserve your own dignity by not lowering yourself to their type of behavior.