About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Friday, March 9, 2012


It's been a while since I posted anything onto my blog.  Yesterday was an interesting day where two new people in my life started asking me personal questions about my kids and why they aren't with me.  Still to this day it is a little difficult to talk about, but I always do my best to put on a good front. 

This post is called "crossroads" because I wanted to write this morning about the crossroads that we endure as victims of narcissists.  Many of us have faced so many injustices from them and we expend so much energy trying to make it right, trying to make others see the truth about them, but for most of us, in the end, we are the ones often left broken, left to pick up the pieces, left exhausted.

I fought for over two years a losing battle with a court system that refused to let me enter a psychological evaluation that showed that he was narcissistic and it plainly stated that he "should never have custody of the children".  They deemed it as being too old.  As most of us well know, that a narcissist never changes.  So, labelling a "narcissist" label as being outdated, is just plain wrong. 

For two years I dealt with a master manipulator, who at every turn would try to turn my life upside down.  In the midst of it, he tried to embezzle over $15K from me.  I had the evidence to show to the court and yet they didn't think it was that big of a deal.  This person managed to turn my life upside down for two months from almost three-thousand miles away, and it isn't a big deal? 

The parent evaluator never talked to the day care workers that he threatened and harassed on a regular basis.  They didn't talk to the teachers he got fired from multiple schools by making up false allegations. 

So after spending over $20,000 in lawyer fees plus travel costs, court costs, parenting evaluation costs, I just said enough is enough.  This was my crossroads.  I decided to save my sanity, go on with my life, and enjoy my time with my kids drama free.  I get them just about every single holiday and we get to go on some fantastic adventures and yes I pay a lot of money in child support, but I saved myself in the long run.  

Being 1000s of miles away, not running into him on a regular basis, not switching the kids around every two weeks, no harassment at my workplace, and new beginnings without the crazy guy lurking in the background. So I traded in a decade of drama, to save my own sanity.  Some could say that I am a horrible mother, that I abandoned my children, but those are the people that know nothing about me.  My children can still opt to live with me when they turn twelve and I get to see them for longer periods of time without dealingw ith my ex.  Leaving them with him during the school year was hard, but staying would have been disastrous.  I could not imagine being back there to have him stalk me on a regular basis again.  This is a person that drove by my work, showed up at work to make a scene, put key loggers on my computer, would have other people follow me around, would do anything to pick a fight with me and then turn right around and make fantastic lies. 

Victims of narcissists all face this crossroad.  Do I stay and fight for what is right, or do I relent and go on with my life?  When one party has an enormous amount of energy at seeking to make your absolutely miserable at any cost, you have to wonder, is it worth it in the end? 

Life goes on.  Life is short.  Wasting more energy on a crazy person is just not worth it to me.  I would rather go on vacation than pay another ridiculous amount of money to the lawyers.  I would rather go on vacation with my kids.  I would rather be happy, content and at peace than to deal with this person anymore.  I look upon my time with my ex with sadness, unhappy thoughts and there are very rare glimpses of fondess that I remember.  The drama began from the beginning and still continues.  But I limit how much it affects me. 

I don't dare give this person anymore of my attention than he deserves.  He doesn't have the privilege of ever seeing any more of my emotions.  In our brief exchanges I remain ever so stoic, and refuse to give this person anymore of myself.  He doesn't deserve me, and I don't deserve to be his punching bag anymore. 


  1. That had to be a tough decision. I hope that your kids are seen by child psychologists because now they live with that very same narcissist and need to learn coping skills so that later in life they are not drawn to that same type of disordered person. In the end its noone's business, you are the only one that needs to be ok with your decision. I know the feeling to have that crazymaking out of your life. Work on the damage this person has done to you so, you can be there for your children.

  2. It is wonderful to get on with your life. I have had many years to heal now. I have my children, and he has remarried (that was a life saver). I read what you write because I spent 25 years in that relationship.

    Now next chapter of life, my guy of many years has adopted children, which the Crazy Mom got in the divorce. We have been all the way across the state. I fought for years to not be near her, but as it goes, he now has the kids and I live very close to her. I feel for them all, she seems to be hell bent on destroying any sanity left in them. They are dealing with Juvenile Battery charges, suicide attempts, cutting, juvenile detentions,forced visitations, police calls, she is even trying to have their youth group leader fired. The list goes on!! 5 out of 7 want absoultely nothing to do with her. Does she seem to learn anything from that ...no, of course not! These poor children have logged so much time with therapists. It is amazing how a stable household and love helps, but the damage is done. Living with a Narcissist destroys children too!
    My own 3 children choose little or no contact with their father. They sometimes try, get enough to remember that he is all about himself, and they back away. I have had the pleasure of nearly zero contact for 2 years, suits me fine!
    Stay strong! Keep Healing and growing with knowledge! I can only wish I was this strong years ago, so my new children could have had a childhood!

  3. Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate them. Keep them coming!