About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Narcissist in the Workplace

Today, I had a short discussion with my boss about people who just don't like to play by the rules, move from one job to another when confronted about their shortcomings, and never get anywhere in the workplace because people eventually catch on that these people just aren't a team player.  Sounds a lot like my ex.  When we were married, he used to come home and brag about his accomplishments.  He used to boast that his workplace would fall apart if he ever left.  Somehow he was always the hardest working person at his place... When we were first married, I used to buy into his lies, but after hearing the same thing over and over, every time he got transferred... I began to wonder. 

Narcissists always believe they are special and possess some sort of magical power.  Hence, they should be treated as special... anyone who disagrees- well to them they are the ones with the problem... how dare they question his awesomeness. 

Working with a narcissist is a very demanding and often degrading task.  Shortly after I left my narcissist, I had lunch with a lady who had the misfortune of having to work with my narcissist.  My initial response when she told me, "oh, I am so sorry you had to experience that".  She described him as "something else".  I had worked in the same building with this same woman years ago.  I never once heard her say anything ill about anyone.  And yet, here she was venting her frustration of having to work with such a difficult person. Just like a typical narcissist, she described my narcissist in the work place as such:  "He used to think I worked for him and not with him".  We both found that to be quite humurous because he was the contractor working for her on her project. 

Narcissists love to take credit for other people's work and they love to demean your work any chance they get.  This was the great demise of how my narcissist lost his job.  He went around for months taking credit for other people's work, trying to steal work from them, and bad-mouthing anyone who did not praise him.  Eventually, those who worked with him got tired of his behavior and some even refused to work with him.  When confronted with his behavior by his supervisors, he blew up at them saying "I don't need this job". 

Remember how in my other posts I said we lived in a little town and you always ran into someone you knew when you were out and about.  Well, his behavior proceeded him as he tried to find work with other contractors.  The same people that he had bad-mouthed, took it upon themselves to warn other contractors to not hire him. 

The only work he could find was with a very small contractor.  It will be interesting to sit back and watch how this plays out because this small contractor has very little room for growth and for moving up within the organization.  This will be very difficult for my narcissist because in his mind he is important, special and deserving of high positions and important projects. 

What I want to relay to those who have to work with a narcissist, is to let this person fall on his own sword.  Attempting to engage or change this type of behavior is futile.  If at all possible let your supervisor or someone higher up the chain deal with his behavior.  Eventually everyone at the work place will see just how difficult it is in dealing with this type of person.  Let his reputation and behavior do the talking- actions are louder than words.  If you complain about this person's behavior, you may unintentionally come across as the difficult person who has issues when dealing with others.  Remember to preserve your own dignity by not lowering yourself to their type of behavior.


  1. "' They move from one job to another when confronted about their shortcomings, and never get anywhere in the workplace because people eventually catch on that these people just aren't a team player."
    This describes me but I am not a narcissist. You might want to read further about true narcissism because you just described innocent people who simply like to move from job to job and are not great at team playing; they like to work alone and are focused.
    My fear when reading about personality disorders is that "innocent" people will be labeled with one when they are not.
    It takes further research and experience with a person before designating a "label", that ideally a professional should do.
    No offence. But you just described a lot of well meaning folk who may have been sabotaged by the "real thing"...a psychopath and/or narcissist. Victimized people who are so stricken with PTSD that they don't recognize these disorders and are easily victimized.
    I was turned off by your first few sentences. Please try not to imply or infer a disorder where there might not be one.
    I speak from experience.

  2. Having technical difficulties so this will be my third attempt at posting this. First of all, it would have behooved you to have read the entire blog. This blog is about my personal experiences with a narcissist. Simply switching from job to job does not make you a narcissist- and that wasn't a label that I concluded in the blog. If you read further into the blog you would have realized all the other components that went with the narcissist in the work place- such as degrading their co-workers, taking credit for other people's work, acting like they are the only ones who do any work- when that is far from the truth.

    My ex was diagnosed with NPD and it was no wonder that one of his co-workers described him as someone who took credit for her work, bad-mouthed her and her other co-workers, and tried to make her feel that he was superior to her. So, it wasn't just about moving from job to job, but all his behavior that went along with why he moved from job to job.

    And again, this is a recount of my personal experiences and I am not professionally making any labels. So, I again encourage you to read the entire post.