About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Hypocrisy of the Narcissist

It always amazes me how narcissists have such an abundance of energy to tell you how to live your life, as if they are the godsend grand wizard of your life--- the all knowing- know it all.  My ex used to act like I gave a shit about his life after I decided to move 3000 miles to get away from him.  I found it always laughable at his insinuations that I really cared who he was with, what he was up to.  He would try to get on his all mighty high horse as he likes to always do and pontificate his religion of lunacy to me.

So here comes the hypocrisy- all while I could care less about him, he is stalking me all around the internet.  He would go on my then boyfriend's facebook page to scold me on something that he would only know if he went on his facebook page.  He would also spend countless hours reading my yelp reviews and act like he had a Aha! moment.  Sometimes I would right some witty reviews with some clever quips to throw him for a loop... all the while I was laughing to myself because I knew he was reading them.

I used to think I needed to hide my identity in writing my blogs, writing my short stories- to keep things hidden from him.  That may have been true in the initial stages after I escaped the insanity and chaos, but it's been several years since I moved.  So, I don't hide my identity anymore- and why should I... I write the truth, I write from the heart, and I above all else, have a voice- a voice that will share my experiences with this lunatic in the hopes that someone out there will learn and not repeat the same mistakes I did.

Narcissists are always hypocrites...they live by the rule of "do as I say, not as I do."  And let me expound on that notion a little further- they do not have the moral fortitude to be able to measure up to the standards they set forth for everyone else.  And all their shortcomings are some how erased with a flimsy excuse that only makes sense to the narcissists-- only to those who reside in their fantasy la-la land.  For those of us with our feet firmly on planet earth, their reasoning is quite flawed and quite distant from reality.


  1. Take that, Michelle B. You Born-Again...telling everyone at the company to read the Bible and live like you. Like you? Yeah, that was me who sent you a quote from the Bible ... because it described you! "Love is not jealous...does not parade itself..."
    I wonder if your husband ever knew you were competing with me and got all dolled up (including bright orange neon mini-dress) to flaunt in front of the guys? The guys who initially thought I was sexy and desirable.
    So keep going to church...flaunt yourself...and talk about the Bible all you want. You are a true hypocrite...and my husband knows the truth about you. I feel sorry for your daughter.

    1. What the heck is this comment about? wow- who is michelle b? geesh.

  2. LOL! I love how easy it is to expose narcissists and other personality-disordered abusers -- simply talking about unacceptable behavior triggers it in them, amazing!

  3. I can only confirm this - I thought my ex was bipolar, with a dependant personality for some time. He always enjoyed playing the helpless victim, playing the victim. Being British and living a non-English-speaking country he always pretended the languge barrier was the problem, while he clearly managed the language ok when it suited him. Behind that facade of boyish charm and helplessness there was a cruel, abusive and highly egoistical person, always looking out for his own advantage, with little to no compassion. What I noticed first as "off" about him was his way of constantly breaching people's personal boundaries (possessions, time, space...) and above all the hypocrisy. He always told me that he believed masturbation and porn was very bad for men, and too much sex was the same, according to Tantra men should be abstinent most of the month. I went with this - grumpily, as we were newly in love - only to find that he had been watching a lot of porn. What drove it into my face was that had watched on MY computer. He also stalked other women on Facebook on my computer, including underage girls. He was an English teacher so he had easy access to teenagers. His porn history told me very clearly about his preferences, too. Teenagers all the way - he is 28, I am 34, and he knows I have always been a bit sensitive about the age gap... I didnt need to snoop into his computer, it was all out in the open! He clearly wanted me to see it. Once he even watched porn on a wall-mounted projector in the room next to my bedroom, knowing I could walk in any time, which I did once. He then went straight to gaslighting, became aggressive when I called out the hypocrisy and pointed out that he wasnt a real man.

    Having done a lot of research, I am sure he has a cluster B personality disorder, probably narcissist, or anyway with strong narcissist traits. I was thrown off for a long time by his outward demonstration of "niceness" you could call it, helplessness.

    Dont let yourself be fooled. Narcissists arent all confident and vane! My ex had relly found that this boyish innocence and helplessness helped him to find compassionate, caring people and made his life easier. He will be 29 this year and never has done any serious work, but has so far never lived on the streets. Not a bad achievement, thus...

    Be careful with Narcissts.
    They are not bad people. Narcissits want to hide a weak self and inner emptiness, which is a result of the relationship patterns of their parents. Try not to hate them too much, but be aware that they are not good for people - unless they have understood their issues and are willing to do something about it. This can happen. However, Narcissts make the worst patients...