About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Narcissist- his worst enemy

I am getting ready to buy a house!  I love it!  I just put an offer on a house.  It's been two years in the making, but I am finally at a point where I can do this.  Over ten years, my ex and I had three homes... they were all fixer uppers and not quite what I wanted.  If I disagreed on buying a house, I was just an idiot and didn't know what I was talking about.  I liked to describe our last house as the "clown house".  We paid a lot for a house that was a hodge podge of a fixer upper.  I still remember the day we were going to close on this house.  The seller had not completed the list of repairs on the house, and I knew the house was a shamble.  I still remember to this day, riding to the title company, crying and screaming because I did not want to buy this horrible house.  My ex was so hell bent on buying this house despite the fact that we could easily back out of it for a breach of contract on the seller's part.  I don't know why I went along with it.  Perhaps it was all the threats of what he would do to me if I didn't sign.  I felt so paralyzed with fear because I knew what he was capable of to try to hurt me.  I signed and lived in this clown house for over two years. 

For two years, I watched in disgust and sometimes in amusement as he went on a home improvement rampage.  I hated coming to this clown house.  Everyday, on the final turn, I would get physically ill having to drive up this long drive way to the clown house.  Projects would be started and never finished.  The yard always looked like a construction site.  He would "improve" things just to make it worse. 

When he decided to teach me a lesson a few years ago, he decided to leave me and the kids.  In his mind, he was going to put on a grandiose show (like he always does) and make my life miserable for a few days until I relented and apologized for behavior he deemed as unfavorable to him.  Little did he know that after five years of this nonsensical behavior, I have had it.   He took off on me and I refused to answer his phone calls for five days.  That following Monday I filed for divorce for the third and final time.  I refused to listen to his nonsense anymore and I refused to apology just to make him stop his insane behavior. 

He left me while he was unemployed.  He thought he would dump the mortgage, the childcare costs, and everything else, just to teach me a lesson.  When push came to shove, I decided continuing to be employed and paying for childcare was more important than paying for the mortgage on a house I hated. 

I asked several times to help me get the house on the market, but he refused.  He then proceeded as always to play the victim.  Finally I just stopped caring and the house eventually foreclosed.  I moved shortly afterwards. 

In the midst of trying to hurt me and "teach me a lesson", he ended up hurting himself.  I can't remember the reason why, but only his name was on the promissory note.  So, when we got divorced, I made sure my lawyer put in a statement that debt incurred in our name during the marriage, was solely that person's responsibility.

He ruined his own credit trying to destroy me.  How sad that he was that short sighted, immature, and spiteful.  The narcissist is truly his worst enemy.  By trying to destroy everyone else around him, he fails to realize that he is destroying himself- his reputation, his credit, his happiness....none of that matters to him as long as he gets his way. 

So, today I am celebrating my new found freedom and relishing in the fact that I am no longer fettered by his insanity.  If you are the victim of a narcissist, remember, to step back and let them destroy their own lives.  Staying calm and not playing into the insanity is the best way to not only protect yourself, but to come out ahead.

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