About Me

My photo
I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Protecting Your Sanity from a Narcissist

One of the best advice I ever got from my therapist was to have someone else check my emails from me.  Choosing the right person to do this took some careful thought.  I wanted to make sure that this person was not a gossip and would spill the beans.  I found a wonderful friend to do this for me.  She only checked the email once or twice a week and she would strip out all the nasty things he would insert.  She only reported on the important stuff I needed to know and answer.  I would in turn tell her what I wanted in response and she would write back a response void of all emotions.  She treated the emails like she would a business email.

My narcissist would respond back with vile comments still thinking he was writing to me and despite the emotionless response he got from me, he still acted in the same despicable manner.  My friend later revealed to me that she would even get frustrated in dealing with him, even though she had never met or interacted with him.  She understood just how relentless and difficult it was to deal with him.  It was also apparent to her that he was trying to bait me into argument and unnecessary drama.  This is the way of the Narcissist.  They thrive on drama, chaos, arguments, and insane behavior.  They get a sick sense of satisfaction when they get a rise out of you.

His email responses would always come within ten minutes of when she sent responses back to him.  It would annoy him to no end that it would take days sometimes weeks for a response back to his emails.  This taught me a great lesson... respond to the narcissist on my terms and when I want to.  Often times this would help me to calm down before giving him a response.

The narcissist lives in a delusional world of rules that he makes up.  It took me a long time to not buy into his delusional nonsense.  When you are with someone who is narcissistic for a long time you start to believe the insults and nasty things he tells you.  The biggest mistake for me was that I believed he loved me and therefore what he said must have some truth to it.  I learned the hard way that this person is devoid of all emotions for another human being and lacks any type of empathy.  Everything he did was calculating, manipulative to meet the ends of satisying to only person that matter to him- HIMSELF.  Nothing he did was out of love or compassion for me.

If you have a narcissist to deal with on a regular basis, look for ways to shield yourself.  I had to learn to deal with him on my terms.  This meant not responding to emails right away or to not overreact whenever he made threats.  It's easier said than done, but the rewards and benefits of protecting my sanity far outweight the consequences of playing into this games.


  1. like many of you I am trying to recover. I have known for quite sometime that he was an N, but continued our on again off again relations. The crazy made me so crazy that my friends and family told me to just leave and never look back. I wanted to many times but he always found a way to get me back with supply (compassion). This last incident took the case. I was there for him in the death of his grandmom (who was like a mom.) after this he went off on a trip and told me I was being silly and he didn't have time for me. Not to mention I wrote his grandmom a poem (using his name and relationship) so he could contribute to the obituary. After which time I was decarded. No more for me! I just wish he gets out of my head. It's been one month.

  2. Mine ran off with some chick with a dragon tattoo and I didn't go after him. Just wished them well and waved goodbye. I think he was shocked. Meh. Not my fault he didn't know a good thing when he saw it.