Protecting Your Sanity from a Narcissist

One of the best advice I ever got from my therapist was to have someone else check my emails from me.  Choosing the right person to do this took some careful thought.  I wanted to make sure that this person was not a gossip and would spill the beans.  I found a wonderful friend to do this for me.  She only checked the email once or twice a week and she would strip out all the nasty things he would insert.  She only reported on the important stuff I needed to know and answer.  I would in turn tell her what I wanted in response and she would write back a response void of all emotions.  She treated the emails like she would a business email.

My narcissist would respond back with vile comments still thinking he was writing to me and despite the emotionless response he got from me, he still acted in the same despicable manner.  My friend later revealed to me that she would even get frustrated in dealing with him, even though she had never met or interacted with him.  She understood just how relentless and difficult it was to deal with him.  It was also apparent to her that he was trying to bait me into argument and unnecessary drama.  This is the way of the Narcissist.  They thrive on drama, chaos, arguments, and insane behavior.  They get a sick sense of satisfaction when they get a rise out of you.

His email responses would always come within ten minutes of when she sent responses back to him.  It would annoy him to no end that it would take days sometimes weeks for a response back to his emails.  This taught me a great lesson... respond to the narcissist on my terms and when I want to.  Often times this would help me to calm down before giving him a response.

The narcissist lives in a delusional world of rules that he makes up.  It took me a long time to not buy into his delusional nonsense.  When you are with someone who is narcissistic for a long time you start to believe the insults and nasty things he tells you.  The biggest mistake for me was that I believed he loved me and therefore what he said must have some truth to it.  I learned the hard way that this person is devoid of all emotions for another human being and lacks any type of empathy.  Everything he did was calculating, manipulative to meet the ends of satisying to only person that matter to him- HIMSELF.  Nothing he did was out of love or compassion for me.

If you have a narcissist to deal with on a regular basis, look for ways to shield yourself.  I had to learn to deal with him on my terms.  This meant not responding to emails right away or to not overreact whenever he made threats.  It's easier said than done, but the rewards and benefits of protecting my sanity far outweight the consequences of playing into this games.