- I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Pathetic Coward
Now that I see the narcissist for what he really is... I often find myself saying things like, "what an idiot", "whatever", "dork", "get a life"... it's amazing all the stupidity I was blind to when I was with this man. I see now that I have moved on and in a wonderful relationship, just how petty and jealous this man is. What has been the most inspirational these last few years, is that I have debunked all the nasty insults he used to throw at me. His favorite was to tell me that 'no man will touch you with a ten foot pole'. I am happy to report that I am in a loving relationship with a man who completely adores me. For the first time in my life, I feel completely loved and cherished- the way love is supposed to feel and be. This irks the narcissist more than anything- to see me in a successful relationship. Why? Because he just cannot stand to see me happy. Everything to him is kept on a scorecard that only resides in his own mind and only makes sense to the narcissist. The happier I am, the more he ups his game to harass and irritate me. Because misery loves company and he wants me to join in his misery. I have the kids during the summer and I blessed to be surrounded by loving friends and families. We have a plethora of events and fun activities for them. Even his own kids' happiness makes him miserable. He takes little jabs at me and my friends to try to be a nuisance all summer. It amazes me the number of emails he writes while they are with me. When they are with me, 3000 miles away, he loses what he prizes most of all- CONTROL. So, for him, his harassing emails and phone calls are just a means to try to get back this control. But I refuse- I refuse to give this buffoon anymore control. He will not have control over my happiness and he will not have control of our summers together. The kids thrive and so many adventures with their friends and family. Unfortunately, this makes the miserable narcissist turn into the deviant, coward. He turns to his old ways of trying to bait me into fights and to try to weasel himself into every situation. When I stand back and look at this, I just see a pathetic coward- instead of enjoying his summer with his new bride, he wallows in his misery, scheming to create drama and chaos in our lives. I have taken away just about every means that he has of ever controlling or hurting me... the only thing left are the kids and even they are not immune to his erratic, nonsense behavior. Cowards are the ones who can never be happy for someone else's happiness or just to let it go. My ex still stalks me on the internet- he sits at his computer for hours trying to gathered information on my in-laws, my friends, my work, anything he can get his hands on. How sad to be consumed with someone else's life. What a waste of life. For me, I channel his negativity into writing these blogs to share with others. I use these lessons learned to try to help others understand.