About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Stay Calm- Easier said than done

My lawyer is on my speed dial.... my narcissist can't behave himself and can't play by anyone else's rules but his own.  I made the mistake of letting this person get under my skin this weekend.  Kids were supposed to fly to see me at a "mutually agreed upon airport".  He has them flying into an airport four hours away.  He emails me the itinerary late friday afternoon for me to review and then proceeds to book them the early the next day- knowing full well I have not had the chance to check my emails.  UGHHHHHHH!!!!  Not only did I email this person a week before which airport was closest to me, but this is completely against the divorce decree.  I let him under my skin and when I found out, I let it ruin a good portion of my weekend.  And to add fuel to the fire, I engaged in wasted back and forth emails with this person... after calming down, I informed him that he needs to change the itinerary or I will be filing a contempt of court motion and requesting he pay lawyer fees and additional lodging and fuel fees. 

Why do I share this story?  I share it to show that a narcissist never stops... they love drama.  They love to provoke you by making drama.  When I showed him my anger and displeasure at what he did, he thrived on it and it is like feeding a ferocious animal... The more you feed their need for drama and chaos, the harder and nastier they keep coming back.  The best solution would have been to ignore the situation and let my lawyer handle it on Monday.  By starving the narcissist by not giving him the attention he so craves from me, I would have starved his ego and weakened his sense of empowerment. 

Trying to arguing with a delusional narcissist is futile.  They lack direction and do not operate in reality... once you get them started they will start spewing out garbage that doesn't even pertain to what the original argument was.  Mine starts to throw out all sorts of false allegations... he always seems to think... "well, what I did was okay, because whatever I "think" you did is way worse; therefore, I am completely in the right".... hello Mr. Delusional and your delusional logic. 

During the moments, when I don't let my emotions get the best of me and I just completely ignore him, I get the best results... I preserve my dignity, sanity, and sense of peace.  The narcissist hates to be ignored.  He will continue to try to escalate the situation and get under your skin.  When you ignore the narcissist, you are no longer their outlet... they have to find another outlet.  If they continue to escalate the situation, others will start seeing the lunacy.  My narcissist is only so good at hiding his true colors.  If I engage him, I am alone in dealing and experiencing the insanity.  If I don't engage him, he will start ranting and raving to anyone who will listen to him... eventually they will figure out that his stories, insinuations, and allegations are all delusions created by a fantastic narcissist. 

1 comment:

  1. Keeping a cool demeanor while feeling very angry is a big challenge. Especially in a court setting, it can become difficult to maintain a cool head in the face of a barrage of questions that you need to answer. For your own sake, it is necessary to take a few seconds of realization from time to time.