About Me

My photo
I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I can Learn A Lot From My Dog

My dog is an escape artist.  She got out last week and got into a car accident.  I am forever grateful that the person who hit her did not leave her on the side of the road.  He took her to the vet and we were notified when they ran her microchip.  So last week, we had to make the decision to either try to screw her leg back together and keep her in a cage for months so she could heal or they could amputate her leg.  Knowing her personality, I couldn't picture her doing to well being sedated and immobile in a cage for months.  So, we made the difficult decision to amputate her leg.  I was crushed.  This tiny dog that weighed only seven pounds, and only a year old, would lose a leg!  I was devastated.  She is the most energetic dog I have ever had.  She would drive us nuts with her boundless energy.  I couldn't picture her without a leg and without that boundless energy. 

We picked her up after the surgery and it has only been about five days she has been home.  She is already trying to run around and it is just amazing how quickly she is recovering.  I went on you tube and watched some videos of dogs with only three legs.  In one video, a dog who lost a leg only two weeks before, was already running and playing fetch.  My dog is not quite back to herself, but she is getting there.  Two days after her surgery she was trotting along, wagging her tail. 

This past year has been difficult.  My divorce was finalized after two years and it has been hard for me to come to terms that I don't get to see my kids all the time.  It has also been difficult to watch them transform by the influence of the narcissist and it scares me to think that they too might be just like him.  My friends have termed as a "worry wort".  Yes, I worry about things that I have no control over.  It drags me down and makes it hard for me to live my life. 

So I have been watching my dog- and she doesn't mope for her missing leg, all depressed.  I have been watching her adapt to what she does have- three perfectly healthy legs.  This morning I had the fortune of hearing the highest ranking surviving fire fighter give a very heartfelt emotional speech.  And in the end, I thought it was poignant and so relevant to all of us to be grateful for what we have.  I posted a link from youtube that shows him giving a speech. 

When I was with my narcissist, I was and still am constantly grieving for the lost time, spent emotions, lost opportunities and I just get so sad.  So sad about everything the narcissist took away from me in the past.  So bitter at times that I forget to fully enjoy the life that I have now at this very moment.  I have a great job, great boss, great guy, great house and obviously a great dog.  Between watching my dog this week and hearing the speech of Richard Piccoto, I have been reminded that I need appreciate and enjoy what I have.  On another note, I think my experience with the narcissist has also put in to perspective how much worse things can get.  I will never forget all the hell this man put me through, but it is time to put it towards the good things in life.  This week, I have applied to volunteer at a local domestic violence shelter for women.  I could mope and grieve for what he did, or I could take what I learned and put it to good use. 

So I want to encourage those of you reading this, to do something positive from your experience with the narcissist.  Help another woman get out of a bad situation, share your experience and hopefully someone else will get out of bad relationship because it is like the experience of my dog, it isn't about the limb she lost, but about the three healthy legs that she has learned to adapt with. 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for your posts. It's a relief to read the experiences and thoughts from someone who didn't become consumed with hate from their experience. I've read so many entries from skilled writers who in the guise of that ability seem somewhat adjusted, but then vent all their anger online at the unsuspecting.

    Dogs can warn as well as teach. Most people understand that there are dog people and cat people and then their are no-pet people. Just like there are coffee and tea people---Incompatible! I had an English boyfriend once. I couldn't wait to get away from in the morning. I laugh now at how nervously and uncomfortably I sat drinking the milky brew in anticipation of the steaming espresso I would pickup on the way home.

    Anyway, I was married to a man who adopted narcissistic traits---He wasn't a true narcissist. That demon came immediate afterwards. To me it was a devastating debacle because I hadn't been in a rewarding relationship for a long time---That previous relationship was a stressful and damaging vice grip I had spent years trying to free myself from. Three years later, enters supposedly "hot" young lover. He was 9 yrs my junior. I think I'm gonna have the affair of a lifetime--Perfectly quixotic and removed from banal concerns---Pure passion. Not. I won't get into my nightmare with him---I mean only to relate that my dog had issues with the guy.

    Every time he came over she would retreat to the couch and mope. He never greeted her---Never pet her. She didn't feel welcome in her own home! This was lost to me for a while. I thought he just didn't have experience with dogs. No. She didn't like his vibe! Personally I believe it's a good policy to befriend the family dog when you enter a home. That dog is a protector and he should feel in charge of his domain. Basic. Everyone loved my dog. I'm not being a smug pet parent. She was really great. She didn't need a leash even in NYC, was really agile and had a big vocabulary. People always wanted to sit for me when I went vacation when I couldn't bring her along.

    So fast forward to the end of my affair with Narco. He needed a hand carrying a desk up to his walkup. He asked me to help. My pooch was in tow as always. (They always need something and never give you a hand in anything) So, there I was instructing her to stay in the ground floor hall while we carried this thing up. I was worried some other tenant would be surprised or scared to find an unknown dog in the hall. I called to her from the fourth floor---She wouldn't come up! Strange to me. Once outside again she practically bolted home. She never did that. I mean run on the sidewalks the way she did. She never did that before or ever again. Only one other time did I have an episode with her and a person. He was a schizophrenic. It was then i decided this had to end. They can sense fear, malice and mental instability. Her intuitions were "Stay away" from the beginning.