About Me

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I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic. My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Physical Ailments

When I was in my 20s, my doctors would always comment on how healthy I was.  My cholesterol and blood pressure levels were always low,  I had no complaints or ailments.  Flash forward ten years, a tumultuous relationship with a narcissist and it is a completely different story.  My HDL levels were low, my blood pressure is high, and I have thyroid issues.  I realize that as I was just trying to survive the daily grind, trauma and drama of my narcissist, I forgot to take care of myself physically.  I completely neglected my own health because I was too busy and too frantic dealing with the latest crisis that the monster would ensue upon me. 

Growing up I was a competitive swimmer for nearly eighteen years.  I ate a properly balanced meal, worked out two to four hours a day, made sure I got enough sleep and took all sorts of vitamins and supplements.  I continued this ritual until I was thrown into a whirlwind.  I often wonder to myself if I suffer from declining health, how does the narcissist not feel these same effects.  the only logical conclusion that I can come to, is that even though they hurl all sorts of drama at you, they themselves do not react the same to the same kind o f stressors.  I think it is because they are completely wired differently.  When someone lacks empathy, they obviously just don't care.  Life is just one big game to them in which they must destroy and conquer.  To those of us who are normal in our thinking, life isn't a game.  We feel the pain, the anger, the hurt... and so does our bodies. 

Today, I am happy to report that I am going to a chiropractor, acupuncturist, taking my vitamins, exercising and eating much healthier foods.  I hold a lot of stress in my neck, shoulders and stomach... I want to release this stress... it almost feels ritualistic... as if I am working on releasing my narcissist from the grip he held on me.  I can't completely erase the damage that my narcissist did on my body- on top of just plain getting older.  The best that I can do is to try to mitigate the extent of the damage.  I think that is something that we all need to come to grips with as survivors- not just in regards to our physical health, but also with our mental and emotional well being. 

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